The right way to bury a dead cat

If you have read my previous posts, you may remember the one titled “They’re going to find a dead cat” which told the story of how not to bury a cat in a cemetery. Well, this one tells you the right way.

About a month before Thanksgiving, my mom’s other cat died. It was almost 20 years old but acted 40. Just like the first cat that died some years ago, my dad insisted that this one was to be buried at the cemetery with my mom too. Only this time it was up to me to bury it because my dad is now confined to a wheelchair and my brother refused to help because he was afraid he wouldn’t get away with it twice. I strongly suggested cremation because scattering ashes is so much easier but he refused.

In case you didn’t know, burying an animal in a cemetery meant for humans is illegal, at least in Michigan so it has to be carefully planned.

Here is a sure fire way to perform the task.

First of all, pick a date shortly before Christmas. If the time of death does not coincide with this timing, use a spare freezer that isn’t being used for food to keep the cat in as my dad did. Be sure to wrap the cat in a nice towel first though. To be honest, he put the cat in the freezer because I was out of town when it died. The rest of the plan came later.

Buy a small Christmas tree and decorate it appropriately for a cemetery. Nail a wooden cross on the bottom of the tree trunk to keep it from tipping over

Arrive at the cemetery at dusk so that it is just light enough to allow noisy neighbor to see that you are delivering a Christmas tree but dark enough so that they don’t notice the other small detail that you will slip in, namely the burial of the cat.

Set the tree (and the cat) down and “notice” that the tree will easily tip over, even with the wooden cross nailed to the bottom, in case the neighbors are looking at you. Talk about it with your spouse for a time. When the lighting is just right, dig a hole a little larger than necessary to “bury the tree” which will help it stay upright.

It should be pretty dark now, and no one will notice as you slip the cat into the bottom of the hole. Kick some of the dirt over the cat and then set the tree into the hole. Finish filling in the hole, firmly securing the tree and hiding the cat forever.

By the way, the picture shown of the Christmas tree is not where the cat is buried. I had to use a decoy in case someone familiar with the cemetery reads this.